Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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