he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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