I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
