it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize