friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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