ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
