it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
