It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
