kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how does that bad decision feel?
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