Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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