You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize