This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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