Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
