I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
