My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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