High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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