Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
