Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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