Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
