He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
