I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
