hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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