Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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