You're completely useless in the revolution.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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