my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize