Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
