someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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