he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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