I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
