my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
