Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
