I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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