i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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