When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
