Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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