what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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