too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
