Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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