i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
