so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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