Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
