She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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