I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
