1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
