I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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