marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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