i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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