i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
