You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
