i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
