If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
