3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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