I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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