I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
