My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
