Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
