Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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