I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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