We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
