I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
