I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
