How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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