he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Help. Why am I so naked?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
