ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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