It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
