Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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