Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
