On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
