I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
