my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
