there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No subtext here. People are naked.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
