You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
