Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
