Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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