I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
