I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down