Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.