When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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